Attachment is the deep connection established between a child and caregiver that profoundly affect the child’s development and ability to express their emotions and develop relationships.
Where does this attachment disorder come from?
A child who has experienced an insecure attachment or suffered an attachment problem lacks the skills for building meaningful relationships.
It’s very difficult for that child when becoming an adult to express his/her feelings in a relationship.
However, with a healthy dose of effort, patience, and love, it is possible to overcome their attachment challenges and establish deep, meaningful, trusting relationships.
Children with attachment problems have difficulty connecting to others and feel different in a group. Often feel like an outsider in the group.
They perceive emotions that persons not affected with the problem don’t; as they have internalized different feelings since their childhood.
This results in a lack of trust and self-worth, a fear of getting close to anyone, and a need to be in control. A child with an insecure attachment basically feels unsafe.
The adults they become are often very independent counting only on themselves to handle their life situations,
As they lack of self-confidence it becomes harder for them to trust an outsider.
Where does this attachment disorder come from? It relies on the interaction of both parent and child.
It’s a negative experience in their early relationship with one or both of their parents. If a young child feels repeatedly abandoned, isolated, powerless, or simply uncared for; they will learn that they cannot depend on others.
How should someone suffering from insecure attachment deal with their problem ?
One is by getting into a long-term relationship with someone with a healthier attachment style than your own.
The second is entering into psychotherapy. Therapy helps, because good therapy itself offers a secure attachment. In the therapeutic relationship, you ideally feel both safe and seen.
In addition, therapy can help a person identify the filter they see the world through.
Develop a new image of yourself and trust the others.
Furthermore, psychotherapy helps you to do the most valuable thing you can do when it comes to living life free of the more negative impositions of your history; it enables you to create a coherent narrative, so that you can both understand your past and grow in the present.
This process involves both making sense of your story and feeling the full pain of your childhood. Only then, can you truly start to change the lens through which you see the world or the model for how you relate.
Instead of unconsciously replicating your childhood, reformulating similar attachments to those you had as a kid, you can adjust your relationships to be what you want them to be.
A healthy, secure relationship will transform your attachment model, as you have the lived experience of relating to a trusting, caring, attuned partner. You can begin to see the world in a more realistic light, rather than taking on the point of view of your critical inner voice.
Live the life you imagined, not the one prescribed to you from your past.